Tuesday, July 27, 2021

Ready for reading

 I want to get back to the novel I have about half read, but it seems that after dinner and exercises I am too sleepy to concentrate on the written words.  I keep having to flip backwards to remind me who is who, the last book I tackled Her Last Breath kept switching every chapter to another character, I hate when they do that.  

I forget what the plot was in the above book, but the one I am reading now is called Moonlight Child and it moves along at a fair clip so I can soon look for another.  The thing is, although these two books are both 5 star ratings, one is OK and the other is best forgotten.  Or as my son says, a good review does not guarantee a good book. Maybe the author just has a lot of friends.

My new glucose meter is not a home run at this point.  It is supposed to contact via my meter with my readings but it won't do that because the error code says there is no connection (T Mobile).  When I called the trouble number the man says I will need to drive to another place where the signal is stronger.  (?)

The number of SPAM calls is amazing.  Yesterday I had 5 calls in 20 minutes all at 8 am, then we took the phone off the hook for the rest of the day.  I am telling people I am dead, then they say "sorry" and quit asking for me.  If they ask for N I say they will need a Ouija board, and that confuses them long enough for me to hang up.  A little humor there. 


Wednesday, July 21, 2021

 As long as I don't try to reverse I seem to do OK with this font/size.  Touch wood.  If one

Yesterday the order I returned should have been delivered.  This order was for Bed Scrunchies, and I thought it would work to tighten the fitted sheet to preclude wrinkles.  But what I thought it was for, the actual purpose was to make a flat sheet into a fitted one, tightening the corners with a bungee type cord.  So back it went, $99 to the good, minus shipping of course.  

I have been looking at purses on Amazon and on eBay, but I can't find any for the criteria I want.  I need a reasonable minimum to maximum, not to have oodles of space taken up with dividers, but 5" wide at the bottom.  I prefer no zipper closure on top, they always seem to catch on whatever is inside the bag, and need two hands to fasten, so toggle closure.  Leather.  Big enough to hold my wallet and my organizer without stacking them up in a narrow bag.  Color of pretty much anything.  Price of anything less than $200, if all else is OK.  Not necessarily a high end designer.  Used but still OK.  Doesn't sound like impossible features, does it?  I used to rely on Aigner bags, but they seem to have gone out of business except for eBay. If I could work on my purses in the closet I could probably find what I want. Maybe tomorrow.

We finally got the electric meters read a second time.  They have been using a pair of binoculars and standing outside the fence line.  But I called and got them to emphasize that all the horses and all the dogs are gone, so walk right up to the meter.  I have hope that I will get a lower bill.  And I saw them at the barn meter, now.  We also found the second key of the safe deposit.  And best of all C found my diamond ring. ( I am glowing now with an old tooth brush).  Don't plan on warm temps until the sun of the spring comes along.

I keep looking at the space they occupy, knowing once the area is clean I will fill it with more stuff, net change Zero.

Back to bed.  Later. 

Wednesday, July 14, 2021


The photo on the top is the family farmhouse in Braxton County, West Virginia.  The people in the photo are my great grandfather and wife, my great uncle, my grandfather, and one of the grand sisters.  The photo was taken in front of their just built home, ca. 1904.
The photo on the bottom is the farmhouse ca. 2004, and now, in 2021 it has collapsed.  I took the photo on the bottom, and by accident I took one from the very same location as the photo from 1904.  I will never go back to the farm, it was sold in 1970-ish over the strenuous objections of the entire family; I remember it from the 1960s.  It is now a testament to the ravages of time.

It makes me sad.  There is only myself and my sister-in-law (cousin) that survive,  to remember, and I am 70 and she is 73.  There are kids from both of us, but they don't care, never having seen it in a living state.  My family went to the farmhouse every summer for 3 weeks, and SIL was there for the entire summer, helping with cooking and canning.  The last time I was there, to get the mirror in the living room, there was a tree growing inside the house, deer in the yard, snake skins in the bathroom, stripped of anything usable.  I don't know why the mirror was left, or why the owners let it all fall to ruin. I guess they only wanted the land.  They are all gone now too; don't know who pays the taxes.


Sunday, July 11, 2021

fire place

 I should explain the photo on the post below.  Every time I try to add a footnote the rest of the posts are hidden and I am now too anxious to try just anything, for fear of deleting all the entire posts.  I did this once and I have learned not to mess with published posts.  So just pop down and I will write the caption here.

The photo is of our fireplace in "my" room, but the stuff on top isn't as cluttered that it would seem.  The US flag is the one given to me at N's informal get together at the funeral home.  I finally got it into the triangle box made for this (well, C did while I looked on ).  Still to come is the little brass label with N's name and dates engraved.  The frame is resting on the lovely wooden box containing the cremains.  I haven't figured out what to do with the flag and ashes, I will probably just leave them for the "kids" to handle.   Then there is the spider plant (faux) that hides a damaged part of the brick; brass candle sticks and a candle; a hurricane oil lamp; and a jar containing one dollar coins,( I haven't seen one used in years).  Just  efore N died he said he wanted to have his ashes buried in the veteran's cemetery in Prunytown (spelling?) but that was news to me.  I don't want to do it, so there they sit on the mantle for the last 5 years.  The black silhouette of a horse hangs over all of it.  Underneath it all is the mirror from the farmhouse fireplace, I like the idea that I look in the mirror that my great-grandmother used herself. Although she would be appalled at what the home is now.

Whew, a pretty lengthy footnote.

It is almost time for the manicure lady to come, so I will stop here for now.

I will try to find the photos of the farmhouse, one is from 1904 and one from 2004.  I have too many photos but the thought of sorting through them makes me tired before I begin.  

Saturday, July 10, 2021

here I go again

 Well, I fell last night, around 4 am.  I was on my way to the bathroom when my crappy knee buckled and down I went with my walker on top of me.  I had my cell phone on the walker and called, sigh, C.  The only good part was that we got me up, no EMS needed, and to the bathroom and back in bed.  Never got back to sleep, it figures.  This is so tiresome, there isn't a day goes by that I don't feel regret for having my knee "fixed".  The ortho doctor says fusion of my knee is my only possible cure for falling, but I will go to a wheelchair full time first.  No more surgery.  No more "fixing".

I am reading a new book, Her Last Breath by Hilary Davidson.  It is a little slow, but I am only on page 50.  My next book will probably be The Midnight Child by Karen Mc question.  Both are Amazon books with 5 stars.  Although they are paperbacks, the first one is 8" by 5.5" , and 284 pages, large for a paperback.  I have two of my 4 Kindles charged up, far easier on the wrists to read; I have several Kindle unread books on them, but the charging is always lagging it seems.  

Yesterday I got a diabetic box with meter, lances, charging cord, reaction sticks, all the mod cons.  This came courtesy of the Fed BC/BS.  The last meter and such were from years ago and became a way station for ants, ugh, right in the trash it went.  At least I will know if I am pre-diabetic, I never know what to say when asked if I am diabetic.  For certain I don't use injectable insulin, and for now I don't use oral meds either.

Friday, July 02, 2021


 I can't remember if I ever related the time of Elmer the goat.  Feel free to search it out if I did, there are only 900 posts to wade through.  I have a hard copy of all the posts (except the last dozen or so) but they aren't any easier to check.  So, here is the tale of Elmer.

When we first bought this place, all the acres were a tangled mess of thorny vines, grape vines, and of course the ever present poison ivy.  Every weekend we would spend thrashing through the brush and the weeds, cutting out and burning what we could tear loose.  Bob, a friend from work, advised that we should get a goat, as they are brushy eaters and not grass, and he would help us get one. So one weekend we all went to the livestock auction and Bob picked out a young goat, pretty tame and able to be handled easily.  Bob said that no one with any gumption would keep a billy goat (male) and so we made a detour to Bob's barn and he made short work of Elmer's package.  He was now a wether goat (in horses you'd call a male horse a gelding) and off we went to home. 

We bought a stout chain, about 15 feet long, and every morning we would stake the chain in a different spot, with a bucket of water at the very end where Elmer could reach it and not (in theory) tip it over.  At the end of the day we would put him in his pen/stall with more water and grain.  He was a four legged wonder, the way he would mow down the vines and such, and what he didn't eat got cleared by the chain going over it.  However not all was roses on the place.  Goats are amazingly strong, and he routinely pulled loose his chain, until we figured out that fastening the chain around a tree was way more secure.

But there were other problems.  When I would put him in his stall, I had to be really quick to get him most of the way into it, unsnap the chain, and knee him far enough to shut the door.  But he would thwart me, turning around so fast and heading out of his stall.  Then he would head for the electric fence and scoot right under the strand.  If I were still hanging on to his chain, I would get the electric shock right across my face.  And Elmer, free from clean water and a bucket of grain, would jump on top of the car in the driveway(tappet scrape) , and if he was still attached to the chain, he would trail it across the car too (scrape scrape)  I did not know, in the beginning, that goats loved to climb up to the highest point they could reach. But I learned, too late to save the car paint job.  Our dog learned too--sometimes Elmer would head for the old dog on the porch and start humping her.  She would give me the most pained expression, like "get this thing off of me!"  And a wether is not supposed to have urges like this. Once the brush was gone Elmer went back to the live stock auction.  N would say, " what if the buyer mistreates him?" To which I replied, "too bad", knowing most any situation Elmer would rise to (and N never did the unchaining and electric fence zapping).  At the auction the animals would be ushered through the in door where the auctioneer was, then bids, then ushered through the exit door on the right.  And every time the entrance door opened for the next animal I could see Elmer in the holding pen, humping away.

He sold for $11.

I fell again last night, right on the craft table.  Fire and EMS called to hoist me back on my feet.  It must have been a slow night, there were 5 of them.  Two is all that is needed, one on each side.  Today I am sore all over and took an Ultram around 3 in the morning so I could get some rest.  


Monday, June 21, 2021

Westward Wind

 We have had some torrential rain this last week, streets flooded and gravel washed out of the medians.  I can only remember one comparable storm in the 40+ years we have lived here.  This time we stayed inside and rescheduled doctor and therapy visits; the photos in the paper show a car trying to get through a river of muddy water on one of the main roads, while water still shoots out of the drains.  Surely everyone has seen cars and drivers unable to proceed when their cars are making like a boat.  How do you dry the inside of the car before irreversible mold takes hold? Don't know...

I was going to make a joke about Moses and flooding, but people are so quick to criticize anything about religion, I think I will pass on that.  One of the popular posters I follow gets the nastiest comments, mainly about profanity, she just blocks anyone who does the holier-than-thou; back in the day she would point out if they are offended to just stop reading, blocking is so much faster.  I was chided on CVS and I need to keep that number useable, but the next time I will bring it to the head pharmacist and let him sort it out.

It is dark outside and thundering and a big storm is due to hit.  I think I will wrap this up for now, I am nearly done. 


Thursday, June 03, 2021

Well, OK

The black feral cat that was missing for 8 or 10 days returned demanding food (we had the dry food taken up so we wouldn't tempt wildlife) and scratching of his itchy spots, in that order.  He doesn't look any the worse for wear, but I am surprised he found his way back to us.  I don't hold with putting collars on outdoor cats, if they are stretchy they invariably disappear, while the solid collars hang up in anything and strangle the cat.  There was a time years ago when indoor cats wore loose fabric collars that had powdered flea treatment in them, and then the plastic ones that were stretched to activate and put on afterward.  Now of course we have the drops that are dribbled on the neck-back and they kill all the fleas and ticks and immature fleas too.  I haven't used flea treatment for years, but I would if somehow fleas re-appeared in the house, tracked inside somehow.  Ick.  

And I go on the 7th for my second inoculation for COVID.  C has had both but the last few days he has been headachey and tired all the time, and I blame the vaccine.  

Sigh.  C vacuumed the entire house on the 12th and had to change out the bag it got so full.  But what really stunned me was that he took down the Christmas tree!  It has been sitting in the living room all this time, and I, of course, haven't been upstairs since Christmas day.  June!  6 months since Christmas!

On a more related thing, C washed and waxed the Lexus, which was my Mother's Day gift (a little late).  It looks great, he took photos and best of all, it does not need to be waxed  again for 6 months.  It is one of those new waxes (silicone? Ceramic?) and it really brings up the blue mica paint, but not too gaudy.  

C bought a new car on the 12th ( well, I bought it because the 2011 Subaru he drove died and I have a better FICO score and thus a lower interest rate).  We had the old Subaru towed to the dealer for an estimate on repair, but the price for repair was $5200!  No way would I put that amount of money on a 2011!  So the one we got is a 2019 Subaru Impreza with low milage, red for a little pizazz.  The repair on the '11 would have been for all the belts and hoses, which they said were dry-rotted from sitting so long without being driven.   Even though the hoses (etc.) could be replaced, I am betting the fuel pump, the water pump, the radiator, and so on would die too, eventually.  A wide hole into which we would throw money...   

     Bye for now!

Saturday, May 22, 2021

More of the same

 Trying to think of something to write here

The ortho doctor I see wrote me a scrip at the last visit for diabetic shoes and strengthening exercises on my right leg.  It can't go on, falling every week or two, maybe the work will help me stop falling.  Even when I don't fall, I have "near misses" when my right leg buckles once weight is off and I catch my leg and force it back where it belongs using the walker.

This is so boring.

I have been watching streaming video of Amazon Prime to pass the time.  I watch for 15 or so minutes and either continue, or give it the old heave-ho.  The one I am watching now is Nicolas Cage in a flick that looks like an early version of the National Archives movies that he starred in.  It has some great visuals of commuter trains blowing up, so I will watch for a while longer.  It is odd, how many movies include scenes where the hero tries to warn someone of approaching danger only to be ignored or arrested.  I can only assume the script calls for "stupid blank-faced extras", and thus prolongs their screen time to fill out the visuals. Anyway, Nicolas is one of my most-often selected actor, so I'll hang in here for a while. 

The feral outdoor cat (Blackie) has disappeared from the garage (two days ago).  He has done this before, so I hope he is off looking for lady cats and will be home in another day or two.  The trouble is that if they don't come back you never know if they were killed or just found new places to hole up.  It is the fundamental reason we have our tame cats indoors all the time.  And we have no idea how old he is.  We had a female cat that belonged to a neighbor, and she decided one day that our barn was the place to be.  She would pop out a litter twice a year like clockwork, but she was pretty tame, and we took her to be spayed, plus all the remaining female cats we could capture.  The mom lived to be 15 or so, and one day when we went to feed her, she was here one minute and gone forever 10 minutes later.  We did eventually find her under the porch, but her longevity was very rare in outdoor cats.  

Sunday, May 09, 2021

I fall once again

Once again I have fallen.  Yesterday I was standing beside the bed with my walker, talking to C when Blam! I fell backward to the floor.  My immediate reaction was fury, and I hurled myself back to the bed (a first). C agrees with me, I was just standing there when I fell, and how am I to move if I can't even stand?  I don't know which doctor to contact, the right ankle? the right knee? the left knee?  My family doctor? I need a keeper, is what I need, that and a conveyer belt between bed and bathroom.  To say I am discouraged is a vast understatement.  This has gone on for so long...

I got a check in the mail from Publishers Clearing House, but alas! it was for $10 and not for $10,000.  If I was the winner from Lotto or the PCH, I would never reveal the win, but (if possible) I would claim it as anonymous.  I don't have any relations except my sister-in-law, but no doubt "relatives" would appear as soon as the word got out.  Even strangers would descend with sure-fire opportunities to earn more if only I would invest in their scheme.  I would for certain send money to the three charities I have supported for years now, but would ask them to hide the source of the donation.  The first people I would contact would be my lawyer, and my financial guy.  No doubt I would owe a hefty amount to the IRS, but I would try to minimize that with things like IRAs.  That is as far as I can ponder, and of course I'm not ever going to win anyway.

This is Mother's Day, and rather than flowers or candy, I told C that I want my car washed and waxed.  I have the Torque ceramic polish (around $20), and wiping cloths and I will take photos since the birds will decorate soon after.  I'm willing to skip the inside detailing, it doesn't need more than a fast pass with a vacuum, and that is best done at a  do-it-yourself car wash, rather than drag the house vacuum out and try to get all the nooks and crannies with a short hose.  When I had my Miatas (3, a 1996, 1999, and 2002) I washed them often, and blackened the convertible top and the tire sidewalls too, and did the inside also.  But face it, I can't do even a simple wand washer, me in my walker.  I have asked C to do this several times but he hasn't done it, nor put the license plate on.  Mutter mutter... Maybe this will do the trick.

 I just finished the Downton Abby videos, the 6 chapters and the movie, and enjoyed them thoroughly.  I was pleased to have the dialogue in English without such a heavy accent that I miss half the conversation.  I started watching Wild Witches, but not only is the conversation all dubbed from Swedish(?) but the story line is so boring I don't know how it ever was made.  I also watched most of the Booth at the End, but finally the ads did me in.  I will have to try again, with the free stories, and steer clear of the ad ones.

I bought new covers for the MacBook, the old ones are all cracked on the corners and don't stay attached very well.  From  Amazon of course.  They look very nice in the listing, but how hard can it be?  I used the model number on the back side of the 'Book, that was the hardest part of the whole thing, the printing is very small and faint.  I used my flash lite at an angle and can see the model number plainly enough.

Monday, April 26, 2021

loose dog

 I cannot understand how this font is the one I want, but I have to choose the font, the size, and so on every time--even within a post when it will revert to the unwanted selections.  So if I shrink or begin writing in a weird typeface, bear with me, I will figure it out eventually.

I refuse to re-write the whole damn thing over again.

Last night we heard a dog barking really close to our house, and when C went to look, it was that damn dog from across the road.  He was barking at our scruffy feral black cat who has lots of hidden spots in the garage, but the garage door was open.  We don't leave it open, it has a small cat door opening so Blackie can come and go at need.  C went back inside for shoes and a flashlight, and when he got across the road, that damn dog had one food bowl chewed in half.  So fast!  We now have a metal bowl.  If we can catch the dog safely it will win The Blue Ribbon! and a free trip with the dog catcher to the pound.  We have a have-a-heart trap we use for possums, coons, and so forth, but this dog is too big to use it, pity, it would be the safest way to catch it.

Temporary pause here

I have been watching Downton Abbey Season?  Chapter? Whatever... And I think I have been seeing US version as well as the UK version, and they don't mesh.  Dead people (I see dead people) rise again, pregnant everyone I think, beautiful horses, spiffy actors, a house good for the entire county, gorgeous clothes, wow!  Chapter 3 now...

My MacBook is pretty small for watching video, but being able to be started/stopped mid word as needed makes up for it.  I love Maggie Smith the most, hers is a nice bit of dialogue when the action lags a bit.  And her hair and hats!  And the food, I don't know what most of them are eating, but the kitchen table groans with the weight of the food to be carried upstairs.  And they burn stuff too.  Fascinating.  And the head cook washing up the kitchen ladles, Never!  

I got an "important safety recall" for my GMC pick up, stating that there is a factory recall about the passenger side airbag that may inflate spontaneously and send metal bits into the passengers, "causing injury or death"  but don't worry, we'll inform you once the parts have come in, meanwhile go ahead and drive it.  I think not.  Class action lawsuit, anyone?  

Sunday, April 18, 2021

A grave time

 I heard from the lady who wants to buy the 4 cemetery plots in Falls Church, VA.  The whole thing made me leery, it was too much money, and she never tried to bargain the price down.  Plus, she wasn't in a hurry after the first two exchanges, never mentioning her deceased son, it felt weird.  Anyway, I finally got a "certified" check and that didn't look right either, although I couldn't point to one item.  We took the check to our bank and she said, Hmmm, and called a banker at Chase bank, the bank it was supposed be written on.  She agreed to taking a look at it, and off we went .  I couldn't walk that far, and there are only a few parking places, so C took me home and went back on foot.  The Chase banker said, "forgery" and they decided to let Chase hold it while they pursued finding the source.  I sent a message to the woman (so she wouldn't keep bugging me), giving her the bare bones of what is happening.  Oddly, that night I got this violent email which I only glanced at (it was 3 in the morning) and by that morning the message was gone, Pffft!  I didn't know you could erase a message after hitting "send".  Anyway, I heard no more.  My guess is some sort of scam that would show our account numbers, so they could drain the account.

Sunday, April 11, 2021

Are you the person to whom I am speaking ?

If you remember the quote in the title you are at least my age, and watched Laugh-In.  This is one of the lines of Lily Tomlin in her role as Earnestine the switchboard operator.  Way more funny than what passes as humor now.  In my opinion.

I checked on this mini-post to see if it is saved when I go to another tab, and it looks OK.  So far.  Moving right along...

When I was a teenager I saw quite a few classmates wearing makeup, while I was only using lipstick.  That is all Mom used; but my best friend, a little older, teased me to try more.  So I picked mascara, since I had really light eyelashes.  Then my friend teased me about getting mascara in my hair, here and there.  I used Nice n Easy to color my hair, but damn! it had to be done every 6 or 7 weeks.  It made my roots really dark in contrast, light brown to golden blond.  I switched to auburn a few years ago, and it made me look better. I still had to do the coloring every few weeks.  The blond shade was hard to carry into middle age, but auburn (much to my  surprise) matches my eye brows and lashes.  I worked in a lab doing electron microscopy, where one used a single eyelash glued to a wooden applicator to move the sections around to place them on a copper grid.  Every one did this, weird as it sounds.  But under the light scope the lash was clearly red.  And now I use primer, foundation, powder, blush, eyebrow pencil, eyeshadow, lipstick and  mascara.  I have an account with IPSY and they send me 5 full sized samples every month.  I now have cabinets and drawers full of cosmetics, and I have given unused makeup to my niece in KY, and to the daughter of my manicurist's.  Neither of them ever sent even a verbal Thanks! So I won't be doing that again.  I am not asking for a formal engraved thank you, but a card from WalMart is what, $2?  or so.

My best friend passed 4 years ago, and I really miss her.  I flew to FL several times to see her near the end, and she still looked great, even with the bald top.  

This is the last time I saw her, as they are taking me to the airport.

                             Beautiful Suzanne before cancer

http://www.thepastwhispers.com/train 17 edited1.jpg

The Train of Life

At birth we boarded the train and met our parents, and we believed they will always travel by our side.

However, at some station our parents will step down from the train, leaving us on this journey alone.

As time goes by other people will board the train; and they will be significant i.e. our siblings, friends, children, and even the love of your life.

Many will step down and leave a permanent vacuum; Others will go so unnoticed that we don't realize they vacated their seats.

This train ride will be full of joy, sorrow, fantasy, expectations, hellos, goodbyes, and farewells.

Success consists of having a good relationship with all passengers requiring that we give the best of ourselves.

The mystery to everyone is:  We do not know at which station we ourselves will step down.  So, we must live in the best way, love, forgive, and offer the best of who we are.

It is important to do this because when the time comes for us to step down and leave our seat empty we should leave behind beautiful memories for those who will continue to travel on the train of life.

Tuesday, April 06, 2021

Lost and not found

 I had a new post all written and proofed when I had to leave the keyboard.  When I came back my laptop had crashed and then re-started, and my post was toast.  I will get another put together tomorrow, but for now nothing, sorry.

Sunday, March 28, 2021


I received the notice that my wheelchair is ready to be picked up!  We went right away, and got it.  Brand new and a good fit to go through any enlarged doorway.  It even fits in the trunk of the Lexus.  So many times the places that we go to have 2 chairs, and they are gone.  I usually go back to the car and wait for C.  Now I have the chair, clean, intact, and can be gone however long I need.  Test drive soon!  Update:  this wheelchair is the wrong one, apparently, and they came to the house yesterday and switched the original for this heavier one. It is still in the trunk of the car.

I got my room straightened up my room as well as I can, and found 2 pairs of silk slacks, and 1 silk shirt.  I have to shorten the 2 slacks, why are they so long?  I would need to be 6 or more inches taller.  I took a pair of slacks to the cleaners several years ago with instructions to shorten, and the business was shut down when I went to get them.  My luck!  Anyway I will do these myself, once I get my sewing machine out.  All of them are unworn, and if I was 6 and a half feet tall, I'd be good to go.  One of the slacks is broad enough to wear to therapy where I need them to uncover my knee, once I need to do exercises.  

  I think I found the reason my Parker ball point would not write is because the filler, while unused, has thickened and is not feeding into the tip.  The same problem with the fountain pen, the ink is too thickened and the ink, even with a new cartridge, won't flow.  I bought one refill for the fountain pen and it works great now.  I will see if the pen will need a new cartridge every time I try to write.

I know this post is deadly dull, I mean who cares about stitching or pens?  But I will offer this next bit, maybe a better success.  

When I was a child, I never questioned why my sister needed a tutor and never went to regular school.  I didn't mind because I got some early schooling too.  I now think the tutor stayed because of me, I was way ahead in the workbooks she gave me, even though my sister was 4 years older than me  When I took over my parents' check book all the bills got paid and there was no "helping out" my sister.  I did her checkbook too, and she cleared much more money than my parents.  I went over and over that she needed to write down the checks that she wrote, and when I tried to balance her checkbook it was hopeless.  For one thing she wrote (she tried to write) with a used eyebrow pencil, (no matter how many pens I left for her, and I believe that she couldn't read or write).  She seemed to believe, really believe  that if she still had checks, she still had money.  Until the overdue accounts started arriving, that is where my parents came in.  They carried $37,000 in credit card debt, and I could have screamed when I realized they nearly lost their house because of my sister.  What was brought out is that she had nothing to show for all the money/checks.  Unless it was gambling, drugs, liquor, "debt" that was the kind she would have made, and so on.  Nothing to explain purchases every month.  

I should mention that she died in 2003, and my folks a couple of years earlier than that, so I am not revealing any family secrets here.

I am so so sorry that my parents couldn't live a good retirement, travel, new furniture and so on, and instead had to think all the time of what they could juggle to pay.  

Not doing well with jovial posts here...

When I was 6 or so, I was in the rest room and trying to comb my hair.  It had quite a snarl in it and I muttered, I'm going to have to cut this thing out.  And back came a classmate with scissors and snip snip, big chunk of hair was gone. I cried loudly and the teacher came in and said, Oh no!  who did this!?!  I meekly said, not me!  A big girl... My mother saw it first thing, and she cussed under her breath.  I had long wavy blonde hair, and now she had to take me to the salon (!!) to try to make something presentable out of what was left.  No more long blonde hair for me!  

Monday, March 22, 2021

A him-or-me-decision

 THIS story is from my friend; I guess this is the ultimatum so many couples face: but probably not just the same when a 10 year old is caught up in the drama. correction...this story was originally in the Reddit forum, Am I the As***?, as near as I can tell. "Somehow only my name showed on the adoption paperwork; OK by me.   I had to work late one night, and when I got home, Adoptee was working on the dishwasher, he looked up at me and had plainly been crying.  When I got a chance that night, I asked him what is the problem and he told me.  My GF had told him if he didn't change his ways, be cheerful and help out he could go back to the home, and other BS to him, but I gave him a hug, told him thanks for letting me know.  I went out to my GF and told her that "he" would be staying, but she was not.  I told her to pack a bag and tell me where I should ship the rest.  Does it matter how late it was, or that her folks were crosstown?  No, not to me.  I gave her cab money.  She looked like she had been pole axed.  Over rated in her value, I guess, but I regarded the boy as my brother."  

Adoptees probably feel they have to walk a thin line when conflicts arise, that they are only there at the whim of the adoption adults.  Sad, really.

Anyway I need to follow this with some amusing story.  

When our son was 3 or 4, Dad always drove the kids to the sitter's.  He was often heard using profanity as he drove, and I had been after him to tone it down when the kids were in the car.  One morning a car cut him off, and Dad drew in a breath, then let it out without any comment.  And then from the back seat, we heard this small little voice say, "Stupid bastard"  We cracked up but couldn't let on that we knew what he said.

And that's  it for now.  Enjoy!

Wednesday, March 10, 2021

 This will be a short post because I am very tired. Or something with similar attributes.  

I have been looking at Med school faculty at WVU and UFL, finding a lot of familiar faces in FL that I knew back in 2004 at WVU.  Some were fine guys, male and female, and some not-so-nice faculty that I suffered being a research tech for them.  I wish there were a way to rate future phD faculty anonymously, it would save a lot of pain when the sh** hits the fan.  I worked for a woman who obviously needed heavy medication to control her manic episodes, which I would guess manic/depressant but who wouldn't take them because they made her inspiration nonexistent, or so she thought.  I don't know if she ever figured out how much time we plebes spent avoiding her when she was in full-flaming ass-chewing mode even though we needed to show her lab results that were not what she expected.  It was really uncomfortable when one of these cycles made her break down in tears, do we just excuse ourselves until the cycles move on?  There was another faculty that set up a collaboration with medical researchers all over the country, big names.  Sh** woman was not invited to join and I was told she burst into tears.  But how to be a functional source of inspiration for young candidates that needed steering when disagreements became sobs?  No way.  I was only reminding myself that however I got here it could have been worse.

I got a new walker (not the kind of horse with long strides) today and I feel much more secure using it than the old one.  Only this morning I averted a near-miss fall to the floor when my right knee buckled on the forward motion.  I am really counting on this new walker, being far less shaky than the old one, to save me from all the near-misses that make my heart pound while I try to walk smoothly.  When I saw the orthopedic doctor last week, he said no to more surgery, and no to drugs (from him) and so while I was on a roll, he agreed to writing a 'script for a walker and a wheelchair.  The wheelchair is because I want to be able to go to stores that only have 2 and they are always gone when I get there.  With my own chair I can go anywhere.  If I am careful.  The home health people said that Medicare would pay for one but not for both  so I opted to buy my walker myself, and let Uncle Sam buy the chair.  I shall see.

When I was a kid I remember my sister being taken to church in an ambulance for Easter service one year.  Our family could never have afforded that, the church paid.  She was grateful, but I bet she would rather they had taken her to a shopping store, talk about  spending.  I remember getting one new outfit for school that I wore on the first day of school.  I also remember a note sent home with me, telling my mom that my skirts were too short (after I had a growth spurt)and Mom fuming at having to buy nearly all new skirts (we never wore slacks in those days).  My aunt sewed me a couple of outfits that were really nice, and those, and the ones I needed for college were it for that year.  The college, BJU, was even more Strict, if you were new they had you kneel and would see if the skirt touched the ground, or maybe the back of the skirt and this was at the time for mini-skirts.  When I finished sophomore  year and married I threw all the skirts, and the dresses that looked like Ms. Dowdy, and I never missed even one.  I have a lot of memories of those days, almost all were bad.  That was Bob Jones University, I played a part until I could get out.  I have never sent them a damn dime since those days, and I am happy to put their fund raising mail in the trash, unopened.  I hope they are having problems with fund-raising; I never knew (until I transferred at Memphis State) that they were unaccredited, and I had to repeat almost all the science and math classes.  Bummer.

It is a beautiful day, cool, a little breeze, sunshine.  I know winter isn't through with us just yet, but this is a little foretaste for spring.  I am inside, of course, while C goes to the dentist, but even from here the lovely sunshine is, well, lovely.  Too bad it won't last. I had a nice nap after breakfast, and I enjoyed every minute of it.  

I have been thinking of BJU the last couple of days and wondering what became of all of us.  Lucky I never got pregnant given that I looped away from the admin office whenever N could get away from USC.  His getting away rested on term papers and working at the gas station and not prison like mine did.  Maybe there were more rebels than I thought.

Well, onwards and upwards, I need to do vital things like getting dressed.  take care... don't know what is wrong with text size

Sunday, February 28, 2021

Give me some leeway

 This will be my last attempt at this post, I have been starting it over and over and fighting each step of the way.  I can't seem to correct one error without creating 3 more.  I just took a nap, maybe that will help.

Friday morning I fell in my bedroom, and I have been in what looks like a fist fight, which I clearly lost.  I have two black eyes, a running scrape  from eyebrow to hair line and a lot of bruises.  I fell on my very well padded floor, and I was walking, not running, and I don't see how I should be so beat up now.  Now I am walking very very slowly, and trying to look only downward and not gazing around.  I am wishing for one of those padding suits like you see in the circus.  I am lucky to not have broken any bones with all the tumbling I do.  I called my doctor and she has given me pain meds to take the edge off all the bruises and scrapes.

I saw my new psychiatric doctor via Zoom and it went very well, I think we covered the the same ground as Dr. W.  She laughed at my humorous remarks, a good sign.  My next appt. is in April.  I guess she received the information from Dr. W.  Maybe it will take until April to go through it all.

I woke up  6 am last night when I saw an orange cat in the reflection of the phone.  I know I saw it, but C could not not find it, and I have no ability to drag my walker around calling "kitty kitty".  C  saw the neighbor's dog out running while he was getting the mail, and he said 'is that your dog'  ? and the neighbor said yes, and said the house they had before had a big meadow to chase things.  And then she went in the house and shut the door. The last two dogs that ran loose had their collars left hanging on their front door handles.  Another one was picked up by the dog catcher cost $200 to parole.This is what fences are for.  Maybe he will run away. I hope he doesn't catch the one of the cats --ours are indoor.  

People who think their pets are so cute and will tolerate any lawn toys as dog toys are mistaken.

All the neighborhood with loose animals are nice neighbors, but keep them in their homes or on a leash.

Time for another pain med.  and then for bed.  good evening.

Wednesday, February 24, 2021

Fall is here

 Well, actually, fall has come and gone, but hey, a little license here for now.

I will have to try to think up something pleasant to post, because today has been hell on wheels so far.

I took a fall last afternoon and now I look like 10 rounds with Muhammad Balboa .  I fell in my bedroom, on the super thick rug, and looks like I have fallen on brick, last night.  I got a bloody nose, 2 black eyes, a nasty scrape on my forehead , and bumps and bruises all over.  Hopefully that will be all the damages from the rest of me.  I want to take a shower, but I will wait until tomorrow, just in case.  The bathroom is the very worst place there is to fall; all sharp edges and unforgiving 

I called my Dr and she gave me a prescription for  pain meds.  Damn I am stiff today.  I canceled today's therapy.  I should be OK by next day.  

wishing you well.

heading for a sweet ; 

I Think there is some intros that cannot be re-done.

Skip this and go to the post above... 


Sunday, February 21, 2021

Jingle bells all the way

I wish it were Christmas now, When the Christmas tree and the all the gifts were right, and the first time seeing all of them, that's what I loved.  I hung a long strap of horse bells on the hall door knob and put the door half open.  Now the kids tell me that they squeezed past the bells, to see the gifts.  They didn't open them or try to do much more then give them a shake because of the bells on the door.  N says he heard them hold the strap and squeeze past.  Giggling, all the way. 

Now of course they don't even want to get presents (they say), so I said each one is to buy just two for the other ones, and thus each have  2 gifts to open.  

We have had a gift of snow, and it is brutally cold, 7 degrees too cold to play in.  And we ran out of propane which pisses me off, I called last week and they said we were ok for now, we were due for a fill in March.  So we have all the electric heaters on in the house, and we are cold.  It is good that we have no horses or dogs to take care of anymore; we have had cold snaps before but this is ridiculous.  And of course we have no furnace as it is propane, as is the stove and thus we cannot cook so  we will go to Outback for dinner.  Hopefully they have propane or whatever and people to keep the grill going.  I am hungry as it is now (5 am.)  Today is R's birthday and C baked her cake in the toaster oven and it is...different.  Hopefully the taste is OK.

I think I will go back to sleep and stop worrying.  Bye for now.

When my friend's daughter decided to bake a cake while mom was at work, she called her mom all in swivet because the cake was all liquid.  Walking her through her recipe from the box cake, she said she used 3 cups of milk because she liked it moist, and the recipe said  2/3 cups of milk so she used 3 cups.  Makes sense, right?  Her mom said throw it out, there is no way to fix it, and she would bring home another and they would do it together.  I don't know how many "bakers" made the same mistake, thus selling 2 boxes of mix and not just one.  When I was a kid I made two layer cakes, every one did back then, and the top layer had a tendency to siillllde when transported.  I just tipped the platter to the other side and slid it back, a little icing to tidy the sides and good as gold.  The only time you see a layer cake now is on the outside of the box.  Easier, I  guess.

 I fell yesterday, walking  three steps between this chair and the bed.  Three steps!! nearly took the craft table with me, and so today I feel like I've been rode hard and put up wet.  I don't know why I fell, but for now I will walk with itsy bitsy steps.  I think I have now fallen in every possible place in this room.  Maybe I should strap pillows all around me, especially around my knees...  I don't think I will ever get to use a cane at this rate.  When I asked the therapist how long does he think I need to go with the walker, he said until I stop falling.  I am going to get a new walker, this one is wobbly in the side-to-side motion.  Maybe that will help.