Tired

I had a PET/CT scan yesterday, and am feeling the result in the left side of my chest quite a bit. I see the surgeon tomorrow and I expect he will not be thrilled to hear I put my left arm above my head for the 30 minute scan, resulting in pain and swelling. This means it is not completely healed, here 4 weeks after surgery to remove that breast. I'm too tired to really work up any anxiety. I won't hear the results of the scan, which looks for metastases, for several days.

The ice candle I mentioned is made by putting a (store bought) taper down the center of a cardboard form (like a milk carton) and then packing the container with broken ice cubes. Then you pour molten wax over the ice, and as it melts/cools you end up with voids in the candle. Peel away the cardboard, dump out the melted ice, and you have a candle like swiss cheese, but thanks to the taper can still be burned. The book pictures look neat. Maybe later today.

The rain yesterday was awful, the thunder and lightning nearly continuous for 30 minutes at a time, with squall following squall for hours. I was glad the horses and dogs were in the barn, warm and dry. As it was, the cats were flinging themselves under beds and whatnot the entire time. They would venture out when things let up, only to dash back under, body low and tail between their legs, when the thunder started again. Other than providing dark places to hide, there wasn't much we could do to help them. One cat was very brave, and commandeered all the best window seats, completely unfazed by the commotion. Luckily we never lost power, and all the wind did no damage.





I am still thinking about having all my hair cut very short, before the chemo makes it all fall out. It would save finding all the hair spread on my pillow or going down the drain, and make it look less patchy as it comes out. I don't want to go to my regular hairdresser, as I don't want a total tear-fest. I am thinking I will cancel my appt with her on the first, leave a message about why, and just go to the shop at the mall, where no one knows me. Chicken way out, isn't it? I am not comfortable telling anyone, and make N do it for the family, our good friends, etc. My emotional control is suffering too much to handle the reaction from anyone, first person. All the messages here have been so encouraging, it positively makes my day to read all the kind thoughts being left by all of you.

I sell used books on Abebooks.com and have had quite a few orders the last few weeks. The only problem is that when Windows crashed on this computer and had to be re-installed, it wiped all my files, including the inventory for Abebooks. The uploaded one on the server at Abebooks can be downloaded back to me, but it won't include the location as that is not stored on the server. So finding a book is pretty time consuming, they are listed under book number but not which box they are in. Teach me to do backups more often than (for example) last August, (wince). It does feel good to find new homes for all these old scifi and mystery books, even though I make very little money on them; I don't even clear the original price of them, after the packaging and postage and whatnot. Still it beats pitching them (there are thousands) or donating them to the library or a used book store, where they will (probably) pitch them also. Hate to see that. One of the recent ones was a $2.50 book with $9 shipping to go to the UK, guess it's a hard to find title. I never order anything online where the shipping is more than the item cost; I just add things to the order to bring the shipping back to reasonable. Retail therapy for me, when I don't have the energy to go out to the mall. And I love getting things in the mail, a little like Christmas, when I order most of the gifts online.

Onward and upward, no appointments today, so I can lounge around all day. I bet I look back on these days with nostalgia once the chemo starts.

Bumper sticker for the day: "Whisper my favorite words : "I'll buy it for you" "

Pending

Just a quick update: I saw the oncologist and got (confusing) information about the Time of the Chemotherapy. In all, I will take chemo (herceptin, for those interested) for one year; but in the beginning I will take two other drugs that will make my hair fall out and maybe my fingernails fall off, my mouth to blister, and a whole host of other side effects. I'm at the point where if I could call it all off I would. But I feel like a cog in a wheel, borne along on a path I can't see. Somehow I thought there would be more empathy from my surgeon/oncologist, and certainly more encouragement, but I can't decide if they feel this is so routine for them, or if they are pessimistic about my chances. N asked the onc. about prognosis and he hemmed and hawed and told us about a patient who lived 10 years after chemo. Ten!! I intend to live into my 80s if not more (I'm 60 now). Ten years out is nothing. Maybe they just don't want to get my hopes up. I have a PET/CT scan on Monday the 21st, to look for "mets" (i.e., metastases) which I am sure they will not find because my tumor was found at such a small size; 1/4 inch. I have an echo-cardiogram to get a baseline of my heart function since one of the drugs can cause heart failure. Gulp. I've had an echo before, it's OK.

Moving right along, the earthquake/tsunami in Japan is so horrific in the telling, I can't fathom what it must be like to experience it. And I totally get that many of them won't enter a buiding should there be another quake. We lived for a several years in San Francisco and felt a few minor quakes. At each one, we would stand still and think, are we done? Or is this the big one? It wasn't, but the mini quakes were always a reminder that we lived right on a fault line. When we were in the process of moving here, there was a whole series of mini quakes, and all we could think of was that tiny baby still in the ICU downtown, how vulnerable she was, so tiny. We couldn't get out any too soon for me. But in Japan there is no place to go that hasn't been affected, and now the nuclear reactors blowing up. I don't think the Japanese are being up front with the dire-ness of the problem, I guess it's that Oriental saving face and not wanting outside help that hampers them. I send good thoughts to all of them.

I have been so tired, I haven't done any candles in a while, but there are some I want to try, and hopefully this tired feeling will go away once I have assimilated all the stress of my situation. I want to try an ice candle next, see how that does. I see the surgeon today to get the last staples out, and schedule having an IV port placed in my chest for the chemo. Maybe I'll feel awake enough to do the candle afterwards. If so, a picture here I will place. There is no try, only do, or not do (Yoda wisdom). When we are waiting and waiting so much, we can bring along C's portable DVD player for distraction. I know we have several unseen movies somewhere in this house!

Thank all of you for the lovely comments, it really does help me when I read each one. I just hope I don't become TOTALLY obsessed with this cancer thing, how boring that would be. I will call my BGFF in Florida once I know more and vent to her, poor woman! I wish I could fly down there, but I am tied here for now, and she is going through some tough times now herself. It's so unfair (as if anything in life is fair.)

Bumper Sticker of the day: "Global warming: Live long and perspire."

No news

The only thing new on the breast cancer t-shirt I bought, see here:






That suits me a lot better than ones that say: hope strength faith or whatever the flavor of the month is.

I got the infected laptop back, with a $150 ransom. I know it is worth that, but damn I wish I had thought of starting it up in safemode to delete the bogus file. I reassure myself that it wouldn't have worked anyway. Right?

I went to see the Phys. Asst. on Monday and got the scoop on the local oncology docs. Basically there are two main ways to go: either through the WVU Cancer Center or to the two oncologists in private practice. I'm sure I would do OK in the Cancer Center at the university medical center, but my experience in working at the center is that people sometimes get lost in the shuffle. All new residents in July,
Faculty who take vacation (or just lots or trips), etc. etc. And the WVU hospital is different, because they tend to get clients from a very broad area in the state, and there is a colorful name for the more rural of them, which I won't write here.

As an aside, why is it socially unacceptable to use derogatory terms for African Americans, but still OK to call people in the Appalachian mountains "hillbilly" or "redneck" or "gritley"? When my daughter was in early elementary school -- Catholic school, she was teased about where we live, which is well outside of town -- horses, you know -- called gritley etc. I told her to ask the mouthy girl where she was born, and when she tells you somewhere in the region, or even in far-away Pittsburgh, then tell her you were born in San Francisco, and then see who is gritley and who is not. I thought she could also mention that her parents are both college graduates (a very high percentage of WV kids do not finish high school, much less college) but didn't want her to rub it in. But I got to thinking, why is it OK to do this? Any teacher overhearing this would never blink an eye, but to me it's part of making a child into a thing, and it is OK to browbeat and bully, at least until things reach an incendiary level. Just my two cents worth.

Anyway, using the university also means you will have student docs, nurses,therapists, etc, every time there are rounds, and other times too. I also feel like I'm in a fishbowl. So I'll pass, at least for now.

N finally sold his purple VW bug, his "retirement project". It has been sitting under the old barn roof and covered, so it didn't look too scratchy. It hasn't moved in 5? years, but buyer pumped up the tires put it on tow bars and hauled away to Clarksburg, a 50 mile trip on the interstate. Hope they made it. And man, I'm glad it is gone, it sat there reproaching us for the money we spent to have an undrivable car. So lets don't think of that anymore.


I've held on to this post waiting for the photo at the top, but meanwhile this computer suffered a complete meltdown and I had to restore Windows, wiping all the files on the hard drive. It is now up and running, but has nearly nothing on it. The wiped files included 4 years of income tax records, including 2010 which had not yet been filed. Major headache.

bumper sticker: "I'm marching to a different accordion"

Coping

I didn't get the drain out (it is still in, at 8 days post-surgery) but it hardly matters. When I saw the surgeon he had "unexpected" results to tell me. I have another "infiltrating tumor" in addition to the DCIS before, and he did take 5 lymph nodes (explaining why my incision reached all the way under my pit) and that of the 5 nodes, one has tumor cells also. He told me I need an oncologist "for the next phase" I think his words were. I forgot to ask stage and size, I was still processing an invasive tumor. I go to the surgeon today for the drain and sutures out, I hope to learn more. I have found an oncologist that everyone seems to favor, two partners actually. Will call for an appointment after the stitches are out.

From what I have read, the next step is to get a body scan (MRI or PET, I think) to look for another tumor elsewhere, and then (if found) chemo and/or radiation. The radiation is ironic; I wore a film badge most of my working life as I handled radioisotopes used for biomedical research, and I made certain they were always, with a few exceptions, background.

I hope that nothing else is found, and that removing the breast and the positive node is all that is necessary. Maybe just monitoring. They did take blood for a tumor marker measurement (CA 25-27 I think; why can't I remember to write these things down?!!) I thought at this point I would be looking into mastectomy bras and prostheses, not contemplating chemo/radiation. Life sure has some ups and downs...

I want to thank all of you who have commented, most coming in from a post on "Iwasntbloggedtesterday" it has been both unexpected and thoughtful, to get such support in this crazy time. Retiring in 2006 left an ever-diminishing group of friends, one of those things you don't think about until it happens, though I treasure the support from the ones that remain. It is *awkward* to call someone for lunch and then say "Oh, by the way, I have cancer." Kind of a conversation stopper, don't you think?

Well, if my hair falls out that will save a lot of explaining, I guess. I wonder what my bald head would look like?

I'm coping, one day at a time.

Bumper sticker of the day: " Buckle up! It makes it harder for the aliens to suck you out of your car."

Home again

I came home yesterday from the mastectomy and today I feel somewhat better. The incision is hideous, Frankenstein looking, and itches fiercely even though right next to the incision it is completely numb. I see the surgeon later today to get the drain out, hopefully.

Maybe this is too much information for all of you.

So let us see... I managed to get my laptop computer infected with a damned virus. It will boot, but all that works is the bogus virus screener which infected the computer in the first place. I had been surfing on the topic of prosthetic devices for the boobless, and stumbled on this virus. Now I am afraid to surf again because I don't remember the actual infected site. I'd like to kill the author of this malicious thing, starting with their computers.

The weather here has turned windy and overcast with showers and snow showers, and temps back to to the 20s, after a teasing 60 degree for a couple of days. The wind right now is truly whistling in the trees, I feel like I should cue the music from a Lon Chaney film, dum, dum DUM.

C is over his cold, so it is safe for me to hug him again. R was a real trooper on surgery day, keeping C informed and tracking down my clothes, once I was in my room. The hospital has recently been completely renovated and all the rooms are private, thank god. It allowed me to go to pieces as need be. The nursing staff was great, even the custodians were pleasant. I got the feeling they didn't hear "thank you" very often. The doctor wanted me to go home the day after the surgery, but I held out for one more night. I hadn't even been to the bathroom without help, and I told him my bathroom at home is a fair distance from the bed, and there are no grab bars either. I think he and the nursing staff felt I was malingering but that extra 24 hours made a big difference. Now N has shampooed my hair in the sink, and I feel fairly OK. My insurance company had approved a 5 day stay, so I didn't think 2 was very excessive. And anyway, I'm not trying to impress anyone with my stiff upper lip; wimpy is my forte.

The cats have been extra attentive since I am home, desperately wanting strokes and scratches. Apparently they have been all out of sorts with each other, especially in my bedroom. I hope now they revert to their usual laid-back behavior. So far they have also been good about not walking on me.

I don't know if this is a fairly common thing or not, but in going through the mail that has accumulated I found a lovely tasteful brochure for -- you guessed it-- a funeral home, stressing the need for pre-planning. Isn't that a little weird? Most of the other trash mail was catalogs of spring gardening. They always seem to arrive on the snowiest coldest day of the year, covers all brilliant in red and yellow flowers and enormous shrubbery. Which somehow is never what our garden results are.

I also found a big brochure on Hawaiian Cruises, and I am definitely keeping that at hand.

Bumper sticker of the day: "If you lived in your car you'd be home by now!"

Come Monday

I am to have a mastectomy on Monday morning (today is Saturday). So far the doctor doesn't think I will need chemo or radiation because he feels the cancer is confined to the one breast, but it will also depend on the surgery too. He tells me it is a fast growing aggressive tumor, hence the mastectomy and not a lumpectomy. The kind commenter on the last post is right about needing to take notes; and write down my questions too. The internet information is overwhelming and not all that helpful. I made the grave error (see the "grave" part, a little black humor here) of looking at photos of the "after" of the surgery, I'm pretty sure the full length mirror in the bathroom, just outside the shower, is going to be going bye bye.

Trying to keep busy today and tomorrow with housework, laundry, etc. to make the time go faster. Five thirty Monday morning seems like an eternity away.

Bumper sticker: "Some days you're the windshield... other days you're the bug."

Well well well

This last week has left me feeling like I've taken one too many rides on the roller coaster of life. Wednesday I went to the doctor for my follow-up visit after last week's regular yearly mammogram. He scheduled me for a biopsy on Thursday, and on Saturday, yesterday, he called with the result.

I have breast cancer.

I don't know what he actually said to me. It went like this: blah blah blah cancer blah blah early stage blah blah treatment plan.

So now here I sit, 4 am, and everything circles around and leads me back to that phone call. I've tried to find information online on diagnosis, treatment, side effects and on and on, but all of it fails to penetrate the fog in my brain. As an example, I want to book a cruise to Hawaii for next March, a deluxe cruise with all the bells and whistles, but then I think, better wait; maybe I won't be able to travel then. I am determined to go, I may not have the $$ to do this later, but then, maybe I should...etc. etc.

I can't even focus enough to write here.

Bumper sticker: "40% of all statistics are made up on the spot."

Miserable Weather

Actually, the title above doesn't actually mean the weather here. In fact it is a balmy 27 degrees here, almost swim weather, while the rest (it seems) of the nation is still digging out from the Blizzard Of The Century. The Armageddon of Weather. The End of Days. The weather channel was beside itself with excitement, a chance to provide vital intel on an honest-to-goodness calamity. I personally found it tedious.

When I was in college (waaaayyy back then) there was an Inuit in my chemistry class. This was in South Carolina, and he couldn't get over how we bundled up for what was to him shirt sleeve weather. And he could be seen dashing about campus in shorts and t shirts. It's all in perspective I guess.

I've been doing the candle making thing lately, and I can't believe how something so easy provides so much delight. And luckily I have found someone at R's place of work who burns lots of candles daily, and is more than happy getting some of mine. Which is good, because I am paranoid about leaving a candle burning when I am not sitting right there watching it, I know if I leave the room the thing will go up like a torch. I also keep a fire extinguisher in the kitchen (where I melt and pour the candles), and in my bedroom where most of them are burned. Right now I am in the dining room and keeping a wary eye on the one burning on the table. But the result is, supply vastly outstrips consumption. I'll put a photo down below of some of them.























Bumper sticker of the day: "When I snap you'll be the first to GO"

Awkward family photos

It seemed like a good place to get out and stretch their legs.


Bumper sticker of the day: "If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?"

The new year

I have to say that this year feels a lot like last year, only colder. And muddier. The area where the sewer dig occurred has that gluey, straw embedded mud that makes your shoes or boots weigh 20 pounds each as the mud oozes higher and higher. Yuck. We had to clean them with a putty knife.



The farrier came yesterday and trimmed the horses' hooves.


The dogs just love that because they like to chew on the hoof parings after the horses are back in their stalls. Let's forget the other things the dogs like to eat... that's yucky too. This seems to be today's theme. My friend Pixie is always amazed when I recount all the cost of having horses (hay, grain, stall bedding, foot care, etc.), and the amount of work entailed in keeping them at home. I don't think of that much, but of course the horses do tie us down; it's hard to find a horse sitter; a *house* sitter is a snap in comparison. These will be the last horses I have, I think. I've enjoyed them immensely, as I have the dogs, but life would be so much simpler without either. And as for the cats, there are far too many of them in the house, more even than the strays that adopted us at the barn. This is what happens when I go to the pound to get *one* kitten; I come home with three. But their personalities are so different, for example the ones that want lap time and the ones who jump off your lap immediately. I just wish the shedding didn't coat the house and us with hair whenever I skip a thorough vacuum job. Yuck, again. I've worn out four vacuums over the years. In fact, one less-than-thrilling Christmas I got three vacuums for gifts (a small one, a medium and a large, sorta like Goldilocks without the porridge), I ask you? It is funny (or not) how a woman goes from being gifted for herself and becomes an extension of the house? Anyway, I am forcibly reminded of why I prefer autumn to winter.

A photo by my daughter:



Bumper sticker for the day: "What would MOM do?"

The end is nigh!

Well, end of 2010 anyway. It has been a pretty good year. Only one funeral, no economic disasters (only a minorish sewer problem), no pets died, no car accidents. Depression pretty much under control, weight going down, slowly, but down. A nice Christmas, too. May 2011 be as stress-free.

Today is the first day in several weeks above freezing, and the snow is for now, slushy and slick. Tomorrow the high is to be 50! hard to believe, but welcome, at least for now, although the ensuing mud won't be pretty. Maybe it will be somewhat windy, to dry the ground out. The horses haven't been out in weeks, these geriatric beasts don't need to break a bone when they cavort around after a long confinement, or slip and fall even. I feel sure that is what caused Blondie so much pain that she couldn't stand, and which ultimately caused her death. I'm not taking any chance of a repeat.


Blondie and me, ca 1995



My Christmas gifts were an eclectic mix. The "big" one is a brand new set of cookware (Calphalon). Our old pots and pans were wedding gifts, 40 years ago, and in dire need of replacement; but I never felt justified in getting a $$$ set since what we had worked at least. But what a difference! I may actually find myself in the kitchen more. The majority of the rest of my gifts is candle making stuff, beeswax and molds, which I am itching to try out. Maybe on Saturday.

That's all for now...

Bumper sticker of the day: "Warning: May contain nuts"

Christmas Eve

All the shopping and present wrapping is DONE. One small thing I ordered has not come, but that's OK. We will be having lovely steaks for Christmas dinner, baked potato, and pie. Maybe dinner rolls. The best part about the menu? No all day cooking marathon, and no leftovers.

I mentioned the plumbers coming in my last post, and so here is the scoop on that.

The sewer pipe in the back yard had become crushed by the roots of an enormous ash tree. We took the tree down last year when it failed to leaf out (i.e., dead) but of course the roots were still there. These plumbers brought their pipe camera and showed N the mess in the line, explaining why every few months we have had to have the line snaked out. No one else had tried to look at the pipe.

Anyway, the only repair was to *DIG* down to tie into the broken line above the break (just as it leaves the house) and then dig a new path to get to the HAU unit (the digester). In the snow, not so bad; but of course the digging needed to be done under our deck; and under the part of the deck where a storage building lived. We had to empty the shed (into my dining room right now, lovely), then the excavator tore the railing off the deck so that we four could sliiide the shed off the deck and into the back yard (but it can't stay there, the ground is too sloped).

Then the excavator tore the rest of the deck off (took about 15 minutes to destroy what took weeks to make), then began to dig. Cut the water line (oops!). Got that fixed, and finally there was the sewer pipe. After that it went pretty fast, mainly making sure the run is downhill (where all good s**t flows). And finally, tearing out the stump of the offending tree, so NO MORE roots.

But the price for all this was (eap!) $5300.

Below are the image post mayhem.

The torn out decking:



The "Root" of the problem:










The lonely shed, cruelly shoved from its home on the deck:




And the scene of the crime:









The snow kind of hides the raw edges of the mess. What will we do with the backyard now? Wait until spring, or better yet, summer. And the dining room? oh well.

Bumper Sticker for the day: "Vaje de: The feeling that you're doing it wrong all over again"

Nearly Christmas

Well, Christmas is still 14 days away. So I can safely procrastinate gift buying for at least another week. What would Christmas be without frantic trips to the mall on Christmas eve?

Now comes the dreaded task of wrapping presents. We don't have any bows on hand, because last year they were so tacky we pitched them all. But then I got to thinking, even nice bows are a waste; the cats chew on them until the are all spitty and punctured, if not carried away. So if we forgo the bows altogether, how much difference will it make? None. So, bare bones packages it is.

You would think that I am all bah-humbuggy about the jolly season, and you would be halfway right. If it were left up to me, there would be a Christmas tree, no outdoor decorations, and no inside decorations. I do decorate a great tree, but only on three sides, because who looks at the back side? It makes wrapping the garland a snap, because you only go back and forth, and not around and around, getting it all tangled. The tree is pre-lit, so that is the worst part already done. When I still had to do that, I would use many many strands as I wrapped it up and down each main branch, what a pain. My ultimate goal would be a tabletop tree that is completely decorated, I'd just pull it out of the box and plug it in. Done.

The weather here has been bitterly cold for these parts, down in the low teens at night, night after night. The horses are all rugged up in their winter woolies and Willie has been moved to another stall until we can deal with the water leak under one corner of his old stall from the barn sink drain line. It isn't a problem for the dogs, who now can go in there, as they don't weigh 1000 lbs and stand in that spot all the time, mashing the mat underfoot. Pets are so much fun in the winter.

The plumbers are arriving momentarily (you don't want to know) and so I will leave this for now.

Bumper sticker for today: "Time flies when you're totally bewildered."

I hate signing in

I had no idea it has been this long since I last posted. I can't really tell you the reason, because there isn't one. Chalk it up to getting old. Or maybe to the damned Google sign-in here on Blog Explosion, which seems to hate me in return.

I have kept a list going of all the tasks or projects that I am procrastinating on, and it is sadly too long. It includes simple things like "water the plants" which now I come to think of it will cure itself eventually. I have often found that some jobs, like filing paperwork, becomes far lighter if I procrastinate long enough that the papers are no longer relevant, thanks to expiration. An example would be the little proofs of car insurance cards, which expire every 6 months. Sure one copy needs to be kept in the car, which I do keep up with, but the other copy eventually passes 6 months in the "to be filed" cubby and thus is useless. Alas, a similar result with something like "vacuum the stairs" does not happen, the dusty bits just get larger and larger until they become a living organism that climbs upward and bumps around in the kitchen until it gets under the refrigerator. I'm pretty sure this is true; how else would the kitchen floor get so fuzzy? Think about it...

We got the restored photo of grandma back from the lady in North Carolina. If you read this blog (unlikely though that is) regularly, you will recall that we drove to NC several months back (see below, in August) and left the bubble glass photo with the only person capable of doing this restoration and providing the convex glass to cover it. Our glass was intact, but badly scratched on the outside from being propped against the wall in the attic, I guess. A picture of the restored photo is here:





The original photo went back to my uncle, from whom we got it in the first place, and we got a lovely 10 X 14 copy of it, far easier to store or display. She was lovely, don't you think? She was born in 1888, and I would guess she is 18 to 20 years old in the portrait.

Thanksgiving is just a couple of days away, and I think we are set for the menu. For that one day I will skip the point counting, but only for that day; at the end everything gets pitched (unless the kids want it), except for the turkey itself, which I like to make a turkey casserole. That way there is no temptation to make the holiday last the entire weekend!

I miss not having the entire clan over for the weekend, but the cousins are all over the country, and all the "old" folks of the previous generation have died, one by one, over the last decade. Hard to realize they aren't just busy elsewhere, but truly gone. Turkey day from used-to-be 18 to 4 guests now...

Come the new year, I am giving up using my Palm Pilot Life drive for a back to basic written organizer. I haven't been using the Palm much since I retired, and have missed several appointments because I don't check it like I used to when I worked;
the written one will allow me to scribble notes without fumbling for the proper screen. This is a reminder of how my life has been simplified, that I no longer have to shuffle work, family and me-time anymore. And a change in music listening time as well, since I no longer listen to my songs during a now-vanished commute. I never thought about these changes when I contemplated retirement, trivial ones but significant in their own way.

Raven is doing well after her $$$ surgery on her ACL. A few days ago we had a hellacious wind storm at night that must have really roared in the barn, and that morning Raven was three legged. We figure the dogs paced and stood up on their hind legs. A couple of dog meds eased her back to non-gimpy status within a couple of days, TG.

Bumper Sticker of the day: "Whatever happens to you, it will previously have happened to everyone else you know, only more so." (Kinda long sticker, isn't it?)

Sooner or later

I get so impatient when I have to wait. This week has been quite tiresome that way. We had to wait over an hour at the vet's, although there didn't seem to be any great emergency. The walls there are thin, you can hear every word said in the treatment rooms; one guy had just gotten a ferret and hadn't a clue as to how to take care of it -- not food, not handling, why did it throw up (hairballs), is this normal, etc.etc. ad nauseum. We eventually got to see the vet, and find out that Cookie, the black and white cat, who is sneezy also has an irritation on her butt where she is licking all the fur off.. Antibiotics twice a day for a week, this for a cat that doesn't like to be picked up.

I'm also having to wait for the portrait of Grandma, we have once again been promised that it will ship next week. But what are we to do? The lady is the very last who can do this work on convex photos (this one is circa 1900), and from what we saw in her studio, she is an artist at repairing these images. Waiting again.

My mink fur throw is still to be finished, the furrier (is that a real word?) is waiting on the silk for the lining. Once again there is nothing I can do -- he has the coat all cut and sewn into a rectangle as big as possible, so I wait again.

My hard drive on this MacBook died this week. We took it to Best Buy who promptly put in a new 500 Gb drive (the original was a tawdry 80 Gb). To load the operating system would have cost another $148, but I said I could do it myself. AFter all, how hard could it be? I went online and googled "macbook new drive OS install" and soon found step by step instructions. It wasn't without a few false starts, but I did get it up and running. I am so glad that I had backed up my photos, all 827 of them, onto DVDs, just three days before. Tomorrow I will put them back in; I have already put them on the desktop HP as well.

There remains one job to do, and that is loading Parallels and then Family Tree maker. Parallels is a program that carves out a portion of the hard drive and installs Win XP (for me) as a parallel OS, on a virtual hard drive. Then you can install programs that can only operate under Windows, to wit, Family Tree maker. There are better genealogy programs, but my files are organized a certain way and I'd hate to have to manually restore all 3000+ ancestors. Also fortunately, I have the habit of backing up that file every time I use it, to the desktop and onto a flash drive.

My candle making a going well (i.e. keeping me interested). I have been trying out samples of scents from three different suppliers, some of them for truly strange odors. I am trying to get not only food related scents, but also herbal, or scents like aftershaves, or leather, or clean linen or sunny day, or tropical beach and sand. It hac been interesting. One of the suppliers had listed all the top notes, middle notes and ending notes for their scents, but my nose just says, Oh, maybe that's raspberries. Not a _____ I forget the word for someone with exceptional smell abilities. Some like onomatopea, but that's not it. One scent I am especially fond of is Jade East. That is a cologne N used to wear when we were dating (not made for years and years now) and it brings back those sex-laden times instantly. Funny how smells can trigger memory. That one is for sure a keeper.

I've also been making potholders (you know I must be bored, right? Or going through a delayed childhood) on one of those square pegged hand looms. But instead of the metal ones that yield a potholder the size of a coaster, this is a bigger wooden loom and is woven with cord (I use macrame) and yields a potholder obout 8-9 inches square. Too pretty to use, the family says, but good lord, they're potholders not works of art. I'm using colors that match the bright colors of the Fiesta ware. This pleases me, a simple thing. Now my fingers are sore and I am taking a break for a while. Hopefully this won't be one of those hobbies I do for weeks or months and then abandon; I have been know to do that, but more usually I just set them aside, to be picked up again later.

And what I really want is my daughter's bedroom. I could move all my craft stuff in there, and not have to put one thing away to have space to get to another. WHY can't I have empty nest syndrome? I mean my god, she's 30!

Time to try to sleep some more so I'm off.

Bumper sticker for the day: "A turkey with a Ph.D. is still a turkey."

anchors aWeigh

My Weight watchers "diet" is going very well. After 8 weeks I have lost 14.5 pounds, not shabby at all. Once I hit 20 pounds I'll try on some of my too-small jeans; I love it, I can shop in my own closet.

These lovely days of autumn are my favorite time of year. Once winter arrives it will be all gray and overcast all the time, but for now the sky is glorious. No fall colors yet, that will happen after the frosts, but it's all too ephemeral. Maybe that is why it seems so special.

The convex portrait of my grandmother is not ready yet after its restoration and copying, but the couple who is doing it assures me it will be shipped this week. The lady said she has been showing it to everyone because Grandma looks so lovely. It is still a mystery to me why the portrait was made at all, it has to have cost a pretty penny at the time. And also odd is that I never saw it after all the summers we went to her house. Why would you not hang it? My uncle says it lived in the attic. I don't think my grandmother had a very good marriage. Granddad was a randy guy, and I would guess a tyrant at home as well. When I was in my teens he became far too "huggy" but according to one of my cousins that was the least of his tendencies. Grandma deserved better, I think, she worked herself to the bone, like many farm wives, cooking and sewing and raising 5 kids. When she was married she (and Granddad too) was a school teacher, and I wonder if she missed it. Maybe that is something she would not have talked about to a granddaughter, but I wish I had tried to get to know her as a person. But like most kids I was self centered and to me at the time she was just an old lady (younger than I am now!). She was 98 when she died, long after Granddad was gone; she lived with my aunt right until the end, and although I didn't see her often, I have one photo of her holding my baby daughter that I am very glad I took. If I can find my copy I will post it here.





I am rambling more than usual in this post, so I think I'll call it done for now.

Bumper sticker for the day ' A Freudian slip is when you say one thing and mean your mother."

Manic Monday

Yes, I do realize that today is Thursday, but that's because Monday was too crazy to write about it then. SO:

Monday afternoon Norm fell down the stairs at our home, gaining a concussion and a battered, but not broken, arm. The time between calling 911 and getting in the ambulance was approximately two eons or so. N was making no sense, couldn't remember anything from that morning and asking the same questions over and over (why was I going downstairs? How did I fall? etc.)/ It was spooky; all I could think about was how my sister, 6 years ago, fell on an icy sidewalk and hit her head; at the ER they did a CAT scan and found bleeding in her brain; 2 surgeries later she died, having never regained consciousness. Not a happy thought, eh? But N was incredibly lucky, that falling than far upside down and on his back, he only cut his head (LOTS of blood) and bent his left arm. Huge hematoma and grossly swollen, but only cracked. No cast. 6 hours later, back at home. The people in the ER were terrific, although very busy, they kept us informed and moved us along as quickly as possible. Just a note: if you have to go to the ER, the best way is to arrive is in an ambulance (if warranted), eliminating all the torture of the waiting room + triage. N was himself by the time we went home, tracking all OK.

Not coincidentally I got to ride up front in the ambulance, lights and siren. It is totally amazing how stupid drivers are about getting out of the way of emergency vehicles. At one intersection, a man looked our way, and THEN pulled out in front of us. And you know how you always say, Damn I wish there were a cop around? Well there WAS. The statey flipped his lights on and caught the guy before we were clear of the intersection. I understand it is a huge fine... and deserved.



Bumper sticker for the day: "So many stupid people, so few comets"

oops

I shouldn't have mentioned a new template, because my code is very sensitive, cries easily then pouts, sorta like my daughter (joke!). Because my hit counter vanished and now hooks up to another web site. How this happens is a complete mystery, but I found another hit counter and you can see it over there--->
I had to guess at the starting number, so I probably show too many hits, but who cares, right?

Here's a rare picture of a two headed 8 legged horse:



Bumper sticker for the day: "Watch out - whatever hits the fan will not be distributed evenly"

thanks for reading.

Nightmares

Sitting here at 6 am trying to stay awake until the latest nightmare fades. Or maybe since it is morning it should be daymares?

I am into making candles, some 20 years after candles were the craze, one saw them for sale everywhere by crafts people, remember the carved ones that looked like Russian cathedrals? I could never bring myself to buy one, knowing they were far too pretty to burn, and now I wish I had one, so I could study how they were made. Isn't it weird, how we "save" good things so as not to mess them up or use them up? Like my good china and the sterling flatware, and who will ever use them then? Silly. Still I keep them behind china closet doors.

The candle thing is new for me, but so far I am enjoying it immensely. I burn a lot of candles, and the purchased ones are either very well made (like Yankee candles) and too expensive for something to burn up, or cheap but poorly made, where they burn down the center and eventually drown the wick. They smell good in the jar, but don't throw scent very well as they burn. Surely I can do better? Except that to get good homemade ones I spend more than the good ones would cost me. Ah well, it's the doing of the thing I enjoy. I can't (so far) bring myself to burn them (see above) yet, I will soon, can't really tell how good they may be without burning them. Currently trying to use up the purchased half burnt ones, one to get the jar to use, and two so I have place to put the new ones. If I ever get stocked up I'm going to go to a flea market and see if I can sell some. Like the old days, only plainer.

Does anyone know of a good blog template designer? I want a new look here, but the last time I did it myself I lost a bunch of formatting without a clue as to how to fix things. Always save the original version...

Bumper sticker for the day: "Remember - pillage then burn"

Throw throw throw your coat

Update:
The folks who buy used furs didn't want mine as it is too old. So I found a furrier who will make it into a throw, about 3 feet by 4 feet. I'm thinking this will be a great thing to cuddle under, and more usable than the coat. Also, they will be returning the leftover fur, should I want to have a teddy bear made later. And pretty reasonable price too.

The fish story continues, I have been to all three of the local pet shops and none of them have any largish fish for sale, like around an inch or one and a half. Drat. So I got some wee tiny catfish and red tailed sharks, put them in the tank, and haven't seen more than one since. My hope is they are all there, but taking turns swimming in the front of the tank ;-).

Insomnia is once again plaguing me, and I spend countless hours trying to get from pleasantly sleepy to being actually asleep. Why do all the 'script types leave me groggy and grumpy (a miserable combo) the next day? I hate them all, and find the commercials for them irritating too. Grumpy.

It is too late (or early, i.e. 1:30 am) to be clever and I will sign this off. Maybe I will edit more in this post later, who knows?

Bumper sticker of the day: "Come to the dark side (we have cookies)."