March 29th

Today would have been my sister's 58th birthday. After more than a year it's still hard to believe that she is dead. The last few years weren't good ones for us; she had become more paranoid and accusatory, and I was fed up with making excuses for her to my family. When she called the police to our house while I was in the hospital in intensive care, my husband hit the roof and said, no more. But I think more about the years when we were little. All of the people in my life then, my sister, my parents, aunt and uncle, grandmother, all of them are dead now, but back then birthdays were a big celebration, and unlike Christmas, it was all for you. Now that we are adults, it's usually just a time to go out for dinner. When did that all change? Anyway, my sister slipped on an icy sidewalk in Feb. last year, hit her head, and died of a subdural hematoma a few days later. I'm sure she thought the doctors were making a big deal out of nothing, she'd only agreed to go to the ER for stitches on her scalp. I can only guess that she never knew the seriousness of her fall, and by the time we got there she was unconscious and remained so til the end. She was able to be an organ donor, and several people are living a better life thanks to that. But I can still imagine her demanding to go home and yelling about the need for surgery, etc. Not one to go quietly into that good night....
Still feel like I ought to send flowers.................