Wednesday, June 29, 2005


Did you know that when you have a head cold for a while, and your sinuses fill up with nameless goo, that when you sneeze, your eyeballs pop out? They hit the laptop screen, poink! and then roll under the bedcovers, checking out all the dirty kleenex and such down there. It's a mess. I'm going to keep my eyeballs tucked in my pockets, picking up lint and such, until my cold is gone. I figure it will drain faster without those pesky eyeballs plugging up the works.

My cats have figured out I'm much warmer now that I am sick, and they compete for prime sleeping spots on my virus-riddled body. The hottest spot seems to be on top of my boobs, so I get my daily ration of cat fur up my nose too, while groping for the kleenex which is strewn all over the bedroom. When the phone rings, they LEAP into the air, using all 20 toenails apiece to get the best grip on my torso for maximum peel-out velocity. One cat is polydactyl, which means she has extra toes, and therefore she wins "paws down" for traction. I've thought about sewing velcro to my nighties, and then using the straps to attach the cats to me, some of that industrial strength stuff that defies a single-handed removal, the kind you must use both hands to RIP the stuff apart, so that they can't peel out. But think how awkward it would be when I needed to use the pot for instance.

I'm actually at work today, because I'm so sick of looking at the bedroom walls. Besides, don't you think it's the charitable thing to do, sharing this rare opportunity to get sick with all my co-workers? Have you noticed that all the newer phones for sale now are dark grey or black, instead of putty tan? This is so you can't see the icky handprints on the receiver when you use it. After all, who washes their telephones regularly? Studies have shown, too, that there are more pathological bacteria in the average kitchen than in the bathroom. Think about that, the next time you're rolling out cookie dough on the counter for the little ones to "help" decorate. Personally, I've never been able to figure out how the washing machine gets to be so cruddy, when all it has in it is hot soapy water and bleach, gallons and gallons, and yet it gets this grey slimey dreck all around the top edge of the tub and in the fabric softener dispenser. Ewwww.

Everyone in our neighborhood is maximum ticked off right now. Yesterday they moved a double-wide mobile home onto the corner of the lot across the road from us. All the other houses out here are on 2 acre lots, with (we thought) restrictive covenants to prohibit sub-dividing the lots up for any kind of house, and especially for mobile homes, but appararently it was challenged in court and didn't stand up. The new house, from their front door, looks directly across the road at our sawdust pile, piled up against the barn wall and covered with a tarp, for bedding the horses' stalls. I wonder how long it will be before they start b***ing about the barn, the flies, the fence, etc. Of course we've been here 25 years, horses and all; if they give us too much grief we'll move the manure pile to where the sawdust is now, heheheh. Maybe add some goats too.


The Complimenting Commenter said...

Nice post. I'm sorry for the sickness, but your humor helped me. Too bad about the new mobile home. If they complain I like the idea about the manure. Great job.

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