Tuesday, October 09, 2018

I'm done with Christmas shopping

I can't get around well enough to brave the swarms of people who have two good legs in a department store, so online is the way to go for me.  The book for C is the last arrival, and I will have to hope it is OK inside that box because I am not tearing it apart to extract the book, then needing to find a box for wrapping.  This is going to be a different celebration.  I missed Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, my birthday and R's birthday in 2017 - 2018 because I was in the nursing home (or rehab place if you prefer) all that time.  So this year I insist on at least a modest celebration, with one gift for each other and no stockings.  Filling the stockings is really hard, to find some sort of small-sized gift or two, and then fill it with candy, and so forth.  So although buying a regular gift takes some pondering, it isn't impossible even if left to the last minute.  I'm pretty pleased with my selections, I hope they are OK for them.

I have paid for Long-Term Care insurance for many years -- 25 or so.  I filed a claim with them when it became apparent that Medicare and Blue cross/blue shield wasn't going to pay for everything.  Yesterday I got letters from them (MetLife) that they disallowed all the claims for a variety of reasons.  I will file a complaint with them, and if that isn't resolved, I will contact the state ombudsman.  It may all be for nothing, but I will have satisfaction in making the denial hard for them.  The decision by the ombudsman is final and binding on both sides.  It won't be fun to plow through all that paperwork yet again.  I planned to start on it today, but I was incapacitated and did not even make it to the therapy place.  Probably any phone calls I made would have gone to voicemail, because today is a holiday (Columbus Day).  No mail delivery either.  I was looking for a nice big check from MetLife, as my previous words with them were quite encouraging.  I was going to get the dead trees cut down so I won't worry everytime the wind blows hard.   I will call the financial advisor tomorrow and see what I have in liquid funds, I am not waiting until next year to remove them.  Checking online for LTC coverage, nearly everyone has had to escalate their claims to get any settlement at all, so I guess my case is not unusual.  Damn it.

I miss N terribly, especially at night like tonight, just knowing I could reach out and be in touch. It has been 2 years 5 months today.  And it doesn't get better, at least over these months.  When I read the letters from MetLife I wanted to cry, but I didn't want the kids to see me losing it.  So I had to suck it up and cry later.  "Shopping" online helps me cope, although I hold it to a bare minimum so I don't feel like an idiot, especially when I look at clothing.  I mean, where am I going to wear things?  I am at home or at therapy unless I specifically ask for somewhere, like the hair salon.  I sure would like to wear my shoes, but with the swelling in my feet it is impossible, I am in velcro closure slippers.

I still have not finished off the roll of film in the Minolta, tomorrow for sure I will finish up with cat portraits.   I haven't shot film in so long, I don't imagine these will be any great shakes, but I shall see.     Yesterday I walked up the lower half of our stairs, then outside and down the outdoor steps to the garage, my entryway into the house.  I felt pretty steady with Chris helping me.  I have had some episodes of buckling of my knee, but I don't hurry and that seems to help a lot.

I am trying to think up a humorless ending to this, but for now it will have to be this:







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