Friday, February 25, 2011

Home again

I came home yesterday from the mastectomy and today I feel somewhat better. The incision is hideous, Frankenstein looking, and itches fiercely even though right next to the incision it is completely numb. I see the surgeon later today to get the drain out, hopefully.

Maybe this is too much information for all of you.

So let us see... I managed to get my laptop computer infected with a damned virus. It will boot, but all that works is the bogus virus screener which infected the computer in the first place. I had been surfing on the topic of prosthetic devices for the boobless, and stumbled on this virus. Now I am afraid to surf again because I don't remember the actual infected site. I'd like to kill the author of this malicious thing, starting with their computers.

The weather here has turned windy and overcast with showers and snow showers, and temps back to to the 20s, after a teasing 60 degree for a couple of days. The wind right now is truly whistling in the trees, I feel like I should cue the music from a Lon Chaney film, dum, dum DUM.

C is over his cold, so it is safe for me to hug him again. R was a real trooper on surgery day, keeping C informed and tracking down my clothes, once I was in my room. The hospital has recently been completely renovated and all the rooms are private, thank god. It allowed me to go to pieces as need be. The nursing staff was great, even the custodians were pleasant. I got the feeling they didn't hear "thank you" very often. The doctor wanted me to go home the day after the surgery, but I held out for one more night. I hadn't even been to the bathroom without help, and I told him my bathroom at home is a fair distance from the bed, and there are no grab bars either. I think he and the nursing staff felt I was malingering but that extra 24 hours made a big difference. Now N has shampooed my hair in the sink, and I feel fairly OK. My insurance company had approved a 5 day stay, so I didn't think 2 was very excessive. And anyway, I'm not trying to impress anyone with my stiff upper lip; wimpy is my forte.

The cats have been extra attentive since I am home, desperately wanting strokes and scratches. Apparently they have been all out of sorts with each other, especially in my bedroom. I hope now they revert to their usual laid-back behavior. So far they have also been good about not walking on me.

I don't know if this is a fairly common thing or not, but in going through the mail that has accumulated I found a lovely tasteful brochure for -- you guessed it-- a funeral home, stressing the need for pre-planning. Isn't that a little weird? Most of the other trash mail was catalogs of spring gardening. They always seem to arrive on the snowiest coldest day of the year, covers all brilliant in red and yellow flowers and enormous shrubbery. Which somehow is never what our garden results are.

I also found a big brochure on Hawaiian Cruises, and I am definitely keeping that at hand.

Bumper sticker of the day: "If you lived in your car you'd be home by now!"

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Come Monday

I am to have a mastectomy on Monday morning (today is Saturday). So far the doctor doesn't think I will need chemo or radiation because he feels the cancer is confined to the one breast, but it will also depend on the surgery too. He tells me it is a fast growing aggressive tumor, hence the mastectomy and not a lumpectomy. The kind commenter on the last post is right about needing to take notes; and write down my questions too. The internet information is overwhelming and not all that helpful. I made the grave error (see the "grave" part, a little black humor here) of looking at photos of the "after" of the surgery, I'm pretty sure the full length mirror in the bathroom, just outside the shower, is going to be going bye bye.

Trying to keep busy today and tomorrow with housework, laundry, etc. to make the time go faster. Five thirty Monday morning seems like an eternity away.

Bumper sticker: "Some days you're the windshield... other days you're the bug."

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Well well well

This last week has left me feeling like I've taken one too many rides on the roller coaster of life. Wednesday I went to the doctor for my follow-up visit after last week's regular yearly mammogram. He scheduled me for a biopsy on Thursday, and on Saturday, yesterday, he called with the result.

I have breast cancer.

I don't know what he actually said to me. It went like this: blah blah blah cancer blah blah early stage blah blah treatment plan.

So now here I sit, 4 am, and everything circles around and leads me back to that phone call. I've tried to find information online on diagnosis, treatment, side effects and on and on, but all of it fails to penetrate the fog in my brain. As an example, I want to book a cruise to Hawaii for next March, a deluxe cruise with all the bells and whistles, but then I think, better wait; maybe I won't be able to travel then. I am determined to go, I may not have the $$ to do this later, but then, maybe I should...etc. etc.

I can't even focus enough to write here.

Bumper sticker: "40% of all statistics are made up on the spot."

Friday, February 04, 2011

Miserable Weather

Actually, the title above doesn't actually mean the weather here. In fact it is a balmy 27 degrees here, almost swim weather, while the rest (it seems) of the nation is still digging out from the Blizzard Of The Century. The Armageddon of Weather. The End of Days. The weather channel was beside itself with excitement, a chance to provide vital intel on an honest-to-goodness calamity. I personally found it tedious.

When I was in college (waaaayyy back then) there was an Inuit in my chemistry class. This was in South Carolina, and he couldn't get over how we bundled up for what was to him shirt sleeve weather. And he could be seen dashing about campus in shorts and t shirts. It's all in perspective I guess.

I've been doing the candle making thing lately, and I can't believe how something so easy provides so much delight. And luckily I have found someone at R's place of work who burns lots of candles daily, and is more than happy getting some of mine. Which is good, because I am paranoid about leaving a candle burning when I am not sitting right there watching it, I know if I leave the room the thing will go up like a torch. I also keep a fire extinguisher in the kitchen (where I melt and pour the candles), and in my bedroom where most of them are burned. Right now I am in the dining room and keeping a wary eye on the one burning on the table. But the result is, supply vastly outstrips consumption. I'll put a photo down below of some of them.

Bumper sticker of the day: "When I snap you'll be the first to GO"