As time marches onward I am finding that "the firsts" are getting fewer.
Since N died:
This is my first birthday.
June 6th was the first (46th) anniversary without him.
Dec. 25th, 2016 was the first Christmas.
Jan. 1st, 2017 marks the first year that I am a widow. I went to bed early.
May 10th will be the first anniversary of his death.
Even though I can't drive for now, I have kept all of my appointments.
Although I goofed up the bill paying at first, I can now manage the bills.
I took care of the flood downstairs, and what's more, paid for it.
Sold N's car for a nice amount, and thereby canceled the monthly payments.
Filed for the settlement of a law suit, and got the money, yeah.
Remembered to claim his dry cleaning, and donated it to a charity.
Discovered that I really don't like to watch TV or movies, and canceled all the premium channels.
And best of all, I am now able to talk about his death without breaking down.
Still, I feel an overwhelming sadness when little things catch me out, like finding last year's Valentine card. Or when I hear from someone who doesn't know he is gone. Seeing mail addressed to him.
Anyway, I am doing better, overall. If you know anyone who has recently lost someone, give them an extra hug (if appropriate) and a few kind words. It is hard.