Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Tired

I had a PET/CT scan yesterday, and am feeling the result in the left side of my chest quite a bit. I see the surgeon tomorrow and I expect he will not be thrilled to hear I put my left arm above my head for the 30 minute scan, resulting in pain and swelling. This means it is not completely healed, here 4 weeks after surgery to remove that breast. I'm too tired to really work up any anxiety. I won't hear the results of the scan, which looks for metastases, for several days.

The ice candle I mentioned is made by putting a (store bought) taper down the center of a cardboard form (like a milk carton) and then packing the container with broken ice cubes. Then you pour molten wax over the ice, and as it melts/cools you end up with voids in the candle. Peel away the cardboard, dump out the melted ice, and you have a candle like swiss cheese, but thanks to the taper can still be burned. The book pictures look neat. Maybe later today.

The rain yesterday was awful, the thunder and lightning nearly continuous for 30 minutes at a time, with squall following squall for hours. I was glad the horses and dogs were in the barn, warm and dry. As it was, the cats were flinging themselves under beds and whatnot the entire time. They would venture out when things let up, only to dash back under, body low and tail between their legs, when the thunder started again. Other than providing dark places to hide, there wasn't much we could do to help them. One cat was very brave, and commandeered all the best window seats, completely unfazed by the commotion. Luckily we never lost power, and all the wind did no damage.





I am still thinking about having all my hair cut very short, before the chemo makes it all fall out. It would save finding all the hair spread on my pillow or going down the drain, and make it look less patchy as it comes out. I don't want to go to my regular hairdresser, as I don't want a total tear-fest. I am thinking I will cancel my appt with her on the first, leave a message about why, and just go to the shop at the mall, where no one knows me. Chicken way out, isn't it? I am not comfortable telling anyone, and make N do it for the family, our good friends, etc. My emotional control is suffering too much to handle the reaction from anyone, first person. All the messages here have been so encouraging, it positively makes my day to read all the kind thoughts being left by all of you.

I sell used books on Abebooks.com and have had quite a few orders the last few weeks. The only problem is that when Windows crashed on this computer and had to be re-installed, it wiped all my files, including the inventory for Abebooks. The uploaded one on the server at Abebooks can be downloaded back to me, but it won't include the location as that is not stored on the server. So finding a book is pretty time consuming, they are listed under book number but not which box they are in. Teach me to do backups more often than (for example) last August, (wince). It does feel good to find new homes for all these old scifi and mystery books, even though I make very little money on them; I don't even clear the original price of them, after the packaging and postage and whatnot. Still it beats pitching them (there are thousands) or donating them to the library or a used book store, where they will (probably) pitch them also. Hate to see that. One of the recent ones was a $2.50 book with $9 shipping to go to the UK, guess it's a hard to find title. I never order anything online where the shipping is more than the item cost; I just add things to the order to bring the shipping back to reasonable. Retail therapy for me, when I don't have the energy to go out to the mall. And I love getting things in the mail, a little like Christmas, when I order most of the gifts online.

Onward and upward, no appointments today, so I can lounge around all day. I bet I look back on these days with nostalgia once the chemo starts.

Bumper sticker for the day: "Whisper my favorite words : "I'll buy it for you" "

3 comments :

Dina said...

I think it's great that you're trying to find new homes for your books. I really need to do something like that, but I'm so lazy about mailing things.

You're probably right about having nostalgia for these days once your chemo starts. But I guess it's good that you're appreciating these days now and not taking them for granted.

I can understand not wanting to tell people your news. I hate giving bad/scary news to people.

I like your idea of cutting your hair. It might make the hair loss a little less traumatic. Maybe?

SkippyMom said...

Sorry about the pain and swelling. CAT scans are uncomfortable but more so when you just had surgery, you poor dear.

I have had the hair loss before [not from chemo] and I wish I had cut it off before I knew it was happening. I think it would have made it a bit easier. When it was evident it was all going to go I shaved it off - which was great. I loved, loved, loved to have my head rubbed. It was like a great back rub only better and I got to wear a bunch of great hats. [I am a hat lover]. I do understand not wanting to tell anyone, so the other stylist is probably a good move.

Just remember that hair grows back and sometimes even better then before. :)

Take care. You are in my thoughts.

Now - go get some rest. :) [that's the Mom in me y'know.]

IWASNTBLOGGEDYESTERDAY said...

sorry the CT gave you pan and swelling.I wish you lots of luck with the results.
I can understand the not wanting to tell people,and nothing wrong with going to a different hairdresser.I'd get it cut id it were me ,I think.I'd also be shopping for hats even though I don't have a hat head lol
Is that a pic of your cat? very sweet.I have 2.they are fine in storms...but the dog..Milo, he's a sook.
I think youre going to be tired for some time to come, rest up.

I remember doing the ice candles now, when I was about 11yrs old , it makes the was all "fluttery" as I remember.Fun hobby. My friend uses soy wax and has a market stall for her candles.
Thinking of you..all the best :)